Missing my collar

Yesterday was absolutely lovely.
It’s entirely enjoyable when B gets in those “moods”. Where he’ll randomly come up to me as we’re sitting in the apartment, lower his pants and tell me, “I want you to suck my cock, slave.” Or when for no reason at all, he’ll come up behind me and surprise me by sinking his teeth into my neck. I love it.

Although yesterday was exceptionally lovely.
I was sitting on the couch as I usually am, just mindlessly surfing the internet (reading wordpress blogs, you know the deal). And he comes up behind me, ordering that I move the laptop and stand by the arm of the couch. Of course, I comply with what he asks of me without really questioning his motives. He then proceeds to turn me around, bend me over the arm of the couch, and takes me right there. Just out of the blue he decides he’s going to bend me over and fuck me. Ahh, I love it when he gets like this.

On another note… I miss my collar. A while back he bought one for me, but I always took it off whenever we went to his parents or something like that. Then it eventually got lost because well… this apartment is a black hole. It wasn’t an expensive collar or anything, actually… it was one he bought at a pet store. But it didn’t matter to me, what mattered was what it symbolized. That I am his property. He owns me. I belong to him.

I am going to have to clean everything up in the apartment so that I am able to find it again, I miss it.

“I love you, let me be your slave.”

I know what’s been wrong. I know why I don’t feel close to you anymore. I need to submit to you, again. I’m sorry I lost my way, but I need that again. I need that bond. I need you to have control over me again.

Ever hear of the website OkCupid? Yeah, I hated it too. Up until it brought me into contact with my current boyfriend, and master. I felt such a bond with him, something I’ve never felt with anyone before. I felt head over heels in love, something that I never thought would have been possible for me, and I wanted more than anything for him to own me, for me to be his slave, his sub.
I ended up moving over two hundred miles to be with him, leaving me where I am now. For a while, I had let my depression and general insecurities get in the way of completely submitting to him.

But I guess that’s enough of that. I’ve mended what I needed to, and am now just working on finding a balance between this and my place in the vanilla world.

Anyway, onward with the entry.

I’ve been finding myself to be incredibly horny almost all of the time lately. I’m sure that it’s got something to do with B (the boyfriend/master), randomly coming up to me without much warning and putting a pocket knife to my throat and proceeded to make out with me, holding it there. I’m not sure why, but that really turns me on. Half the time I want to just strip down and ask him to take me right there, but of course — doesn’t always happen that way considering someone has to work and pay bills around here (… since for some reason I am having the worst time ever finding work).

Last night was probably one of the best nights sex-wise in quite some time. I’m used to orgasm denial during foreplay when he’s playing with me, but never actually during the act itself. He’d keep pounding into me until I was just about to cum, and then would stop and look down at me with a devious smile on his face. He’d then continue again, only to stop once more when I would get incredibly close. It brought me to the point where I was begging, and begging for him to let me cum. (Of course, this is usually his plan anyway, to get me to beg. ) Once he actually let me, it was one of the strongest orgasms that I’ve had in a while. I’m incredible vocal as it is, (and in all honesty, I try my hardest not to be. I try not to make hardly any noise at all, but most of the time I can’t even help it), but last night I probably woke up everyone in the bloody apartment building. Oops.

On a random note: I hate having such a strong gag reflex! It’s been forever that I’ve been trying to suck my master’s cock more often, to tone down the reflex, but I’m really not making a lot of progress. Anyone know how this could be made easier? Please leave a comment and let me know, it would be extremely appreciated!

And so, we begin.

Hello to anyone who might be reading.

I’ve decided to start this blog off with a little bit of an introductory posting so that you can get a bit of an idea of who I am and why I’m writing this blog.

Firstly, I would like to introduce myself. The name is Autumn, and it is nice to meet you. Of course, “Autumn” is just an alias to cover up my real name so that those who know me in the real world will be unable to google my name to find this. I wish to remain anonymous, and I will soon explain why.

I created this blog for two reasons. 1) I love to write. I love journals. I love to get my thoughts out in a manner that other people might enjoy reading. 2) I have a side of me that I need to express. Which is why I am using an alias name. This isn’t entirely something I talk freely about in my day-to-day life, so I figured writing it on the internet for like-minded people to read.

So here you have it. I’m writing about my experiences with the world of dominance and submission. It’s always been an intriguing topic for me, from as early as the beginning of my teen years. Now eighteen (soon to be nineteen, but I still feel rather young in this lifestyle), I’ve finally met someone who shared my intrigue in the lifestyle — and helped me realize exactly what I am — a submissive.

The reasoning behind remaining anonymous is that in my social circle, this sort of thing is a taboo topic. Forbidden, a cause for shame. I would not be accepted fully the way I am now, if I were to be talking freely about this to those around me.

And that’s basically what this is. An outlet. A place for me to go and be able to talk about things freely, without fear of rejection, and hopefully have others read (and maybe even leave me comments =] )as well.